Open Letter

This is my open letter to a girl. I know you will not read this letter anyway but it's okay. Well first time i knew you, i know that you are something. Different yet vulnerable, something weird, i really want to know you little more. You're not really pretty like the other girls but geez, you're like a magnet to me. Starting with poking each other on facebook until i decided to ask your phone number, but in a silly way, heh can't forget that! hehe

why ask a number if you don't want to start a conversation (face palm)

Yes that was conversations from SIX years ago and yes i still kept it on my facebook. I don't remember much about this stuffs but all i know a month later you called me in the middle of the night. I was pretty shocked at first, that's why i don't pick up the call at first hehe. Then the rest is history. 

I remember that we talk a lot, texting a lot everyday, arguing, laughing, i know how much you love kit kat bar and it helps you to released your stress. I remember you always get ill and it's scared me a lot. Yes, a lot. To be honest that was the most memorable year of my life, having someone who is truly care about me is the only thing that i need. You're the only one who cared if i'm getting hurt while i'm skateboarding (pretend or not, i don't really care). I remembered one time you told me not to go skate cause i had a little bruise on my leg (not really serious at all, just want to make sure that you care or not). You were really mad at me when you know i still go to skate (skate is life you know haha). That moment i told myself "demmit i'm gonna marry this girl", yes i want to get old with you but one silly mistake and all hope is gone. Just like that.

Let's skip all that, nobody read this letter anyway. I know I've done a lot of terrible thing to you (still can't forgive myself), i just want you to know that i'm truly sorry. I'm so sorry for all thing that I've done to you, breaking your heart, ignoring you and left you alone in the dark. I just can't believe you have a new boyfriend that time without telling me. You know that i really like you and it really broke my heart (blame it on post-hardcore songs for me being too sensitive). I'm sorry for being asshole. I'm sorry for everything.

Well, you are moving on now, already forget the past, have a great job, travelling all around the world. Hell yeah i'm happy for you and why should i interrupt your happiness, right? . I'm afraid to talk to you again cause i know you're afraid of being hurt again and that's why you try to get rid of me. Yeah i know that's how karma works out. I know i'm one of your mistakes but you're not my mistake (i should write a song using this line)

I want you to know that all these years, i still thinking about you everyday, every night, every morning, every seconds. I will love you forever until my last breath, even though you will never be mine (pretty sure about this), and i'm trying to be cool with that. But right know i'm trying my best to forget about you.

Just forget about me and you'll be fine, stay strong like all of your good friends told you to be.

From this unfortunate misery events, it's getting hard for me in each every day to get closer to any girl. Each time i getting closer to someone, there's is some frenzy feeling that tell me that girl will break my heart or i will break their heart and then i will gone without any trace and then i will repeat it again and again. I know it is really annoying but i can't help myself with it. So in this particular issue, i want to say sorry to this girl; Mie, sorry for being such a jerk. I just scared, that's it. I know you tried, i tried too but it seems not be worked out. I think about you too, sometimes. I stalk your instagram sometimes (not anymore) just too see how's life going and it look pretty well, so yeay for that. Hope you happy with your life now. I'm sorry for everything.

I'm out, bye.